My words, my thoughts
All these thoughts are jumping around in my mind. I honestly feel bad for making him mad.. Idk why, but I do. Maybe I shouldn’t have aggravated him more by texting him. Maybe I should’ve just left everything alone.
I’m pretty sure he hates me now.. Oh great. The one person that I told my secret to, the one person that I was able to talk to it about, hates me now.
Who am I supposed to talk to now whenever I need someone?..
Should I keep going and see what happens? At the risk of getting hurt again? Its like every time I open up to someone, they always end up leaving me.. Part of me is saying to end it now before it gets too far and I’ll fall too hard and crash even harder; but the other part of me is telling me that I shouldn’t because I actually really care about him, that I shouldn’t just stop, and that I need to keep going and see what happens. I’m scared either way, whatever I choose to do.
I just don’t want to get hurt again.
I wrote this post 5 months ago. Thinking back, I’m sort of glad that I chose to keep going. It gave me 3 months of happiness, happiness that I hadn’t had in a long time. But they were followed by 2 months of living hell. It’s all good though, life goes on. This was just another chapter of my life that I am now ready to set down and move on from. Now, I can start a new chapter, and hopefully, it’ll be even better than this one.
Don’t forget volleyball sessions with meeeee :)
Oh of course Kathy! I need to start practicing again after a year without playing
Kinda sucks going to a school without sports teams.. as they say at my school “we play sports of the mind” omfg. My school is full of a bunch of nerds. Including me. Oh wells, I’ll just play for Highline or Evergreen, nbd.
I don’t know how much more I can take of everything. I swear I’m going to crack soon.
Finals are coming up, projects in all the classes are soon to be due, and friends are fading away. It’s making me stress more and more, and I don’t even know what to do.
I don’t understand how I found it funny, but I did. And I laughed..
But now it has finally hit me. I was used. Just like I was a toy doll with no feelings whatsoever. Did he not give any consideration to my feelings at all? I don’t even know how I’m feeling right now. I just wish that I could shut off my feelings and not give a fuck. But I can’t. I wonder how he feels about all of this.. But then again, he’s the one that caused everything. I don’t understand why he did this though.
But it was my fault for ever believing any of the crap that he told me. How could I be so stupid and gullible.
Oh gosh. That was a good memory x) and a pretty funny one too aha. He made fun of me with that name.. ugh. But it’s all in the past now. Time to move on Cynthia. You can do this.
